You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend.
But then, then comes the fateful moment where you find out that all this time, he’s only seen you as a potential girlfriend. And then if you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. This has happened to me time after time: I hit it off with a guy, and, for all that I’ve been burned in the past, I start to think that this one might actually care about me as a person. And then he asks me on a date.
I tell him how much I enjoy his company, how much I value his friendship. I tell him that I really want to be his friend and to continue hanging out with him and talking about our favorite books or exploring new restaurants or making fun of avant-garde theatre productions. But he rejects me. He doesn’t answer my calls or e-mails; if we’d been making plans to do something before this fateful incident, these plans mysteriously fail to materialize. (This is why I never did get around to seeing the Hunger Games movie. Not to name any names, but thanks a lot, Tom.) Later, when I run into him at social events, our conversations are awkward and lukewarm. This is because the moment we met, he put me in the girlfriend-zone, and now he can’t see me as friend material.
I must say that I find this really unfair. I mean, I’m a nice girl. I have a lot to offer as a friend, like not being a douchebag and stuff. But males just don’t want to be friends with nice girls like me. They can’t help it, I guess; it’s just how they’re wired, biologically. Evolution conditioned our male hominid ancestors to seek nice girls as mates and form friendship bonds only with the other dudes that they hunted mammoths with. It’s true—I know this because I studied hominids in my fifth-grade science class.
So what’s the answer? Should I take up mammoth-hunting in an attempt to appeal to the friendship centers of men’s primal lizardbrains? Should I keep making guy “friends” and then prevent them from making a move on me by subtly undermining their self-confidence? Should I just give up on those manipulative, game-playing, two-faced bastards once and for all? I don’t know. I mean, I’d really like to have a true friendship with a guy someday, but it’s so hard to trust and respect them when they never say what they mean—and you never know when you might be relegated to the girlfriend-zone.
coneyinacap said: !!! What are you working on?
Another Crocodile outfit because I am obsessed~
This is the trim for the coat… the shell and lining are done, I just have to figure out the best way to get it all together!
‘So what are you doing this weekend’
‘Oh nothing special just seWING 16 FEET OF FUR TRIM BY HAND JESUS CHRSIT IT GOES ON FOREVER’
WAIT WHAT? (at El Super - Commerce)
YOOOOOOOOOOOO
I see these at work all the time. Should buy a box.
I NEEED THIIIISSSS IN MYYYYY LIFFFFFEEEE
*FLAILS* o_o
Did you know that pregnant women have been fired for using the bathroom to vomit, needing to carry a water bottle on the job, or asking to sit on a stool instead of standing in place all day? While employers have to make allowances like these for other types of temporary disabilities, a number of bad court decisions have encouraged them to feel they can get away with firing or mistreating pregnant workers with impunity.
It’s disgraceful and unacceptable that at a time when unnecessary budget cuts are decimating food, medical, and educational supports for low-income families, pregnant women continue to be pushed out of their jobs just as they take on all the expenses of having a new baby.
Read more about the Pregnant Workers Fairness Act
and take action by contacting your congressperson.This is unacceptable. Pregnant workers need more protection. With a child coming up they need employment more than ever. Please contact your rep.
Hello my lovely Tumblr Family! I’ve reached 1000 followers by my birthday! As such, I’ll be doing another giveaway!
What you’ll win:
~The Thermoplastic Combo in Large from CosplaySupplies.com
This includes:
1 sheet of Wonderflex 43” x 27” and
1 sheet of Worbla 29” x 39”~If you’re following me, I’ll buy you a 4.4oz bottle of Friendly Plastic to go with it, too.
Please read all of the rules before entering.
***There will be only 1 winner!***
Rules:
- You must REBLOG this post. LIKES don’t count!
- You don’t need to be following me (but you’ll win more stuff if you are!)
- No Giveaway blogs allowed…because that’s just tacky ;) Side/cosplay-only blogs are okay.
- Reblog as much as you want, but let’s keep from spamming our friends, hm?
Winner Details:
- Ask box MUST be open, and you have to be willing to give your address. I’m not a creeper, I promise ;)
- Contest ends on May 22nd. I’ll announce the winner on May 22nd at 6:30pm EST.
- If your ask box isn’t open, I’ll pick another winner. Winner will be chosen with a random number generator.
One stipulation: this post has to reach 1000 notes! Happy blogging, and good luck!!!
Is anyone in the DC/va/md area able and willing to take in two jack russel terriers?
They’re my roommates old dogs who were staying with her mother but due to extremely unfortunate circumstances they can’t stay any longer and will end up being sent to the pound and probably put to sleep thereafter if we can’t find a place for them and we can’t keep them in our condo.
If you could signal boost that’d be great and god I will drive these doggies to you pretty much anywhere it doesn’t even have to be DC/md/va I will come to NC and NY or OH. Michigan or Florida whatever just these are Amy’s babies and they need a good home
Please someone give these sweeties a good home! ;n;
puppies D:
I’d love to give Xena a friend or two but no more pets for us :T
Signal boosting~
hey tumblr, i think we need to have a little talk.
sometimes i don’t think a lot of people fully understand the harm that can come from micro-aggressions that come from ourselves and our allies.
like yes, we absolutely should focus on the people who preach overt hatred; racists, queerphobes, sexists, y’know, the folks that you KNOW just by talking to them that they’re bigots.
but as well as that (yes, we can focus on both), we need to also focus on the little things that slip through from allies and people in our own communities, because in a way, those can be even MORE harmful, because they’re supposed to be coming from people who are supposed to be part of a safe space.
just because someone’s not saying something overtly oppressive with the intention of being hurtful, (“get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich b***h!” “marriage is between a man and a woman, not for you f****ts!” “white people are superior! go back where you came from!!!”), doesn’t mean that what you do can’t be sexist, racist, cissexist, queerphobic, etc. we grow up in a toxic society, and even if deep down, you really do truly believe in human rights for all, want equality, want to be a good ally, we still internalize those toxic messages, whether we realize they are oppressive or not. so sometimes we will say or do something hurtful without even realizing! and unlearning that behaviour takes time and effort.
i’m not saying people aren’t allowed to fuck up. we all do, we’re all human, and we’re all learning. what i AM saying, is that when a person of a marginalized group approaches you saying “hey, this thing you said/did wasn’t okay, and it really hurt me!” the wrong way to react is to get defensive at said person and act like they’re attacking you. because they’re not. they’re trying to point out that you did something hurtful, because they don’t want YOU to be a hurtful person!
sometimes that person will call you out in a rather angry manner. again, you shouldn’t get defensive, and don’t tell them to calm down! why? these folks are angry for a reason, and rightfully so; they’ve probably been dealing with oppression their WHOLE LIVES. chances are, they’ve proooobably tried the whole “educating people calmly” thing. they’ve proooobably tried everything in the book in order to get it across to others that blackface isn’t okay, that wearing a bindi as a white person isn’t okay, that the t-word isn’t okay, that not every person of __ identity fits __ stereotype, etc. and you know what? people still won’t listen. so after a while? my patience would sure run out trying to be kind to people who won’t listen to me. their anger is JUSTIFIED.
most often, marginalized folks will understand that yes you made a mistake, and realize you’re learning! we’ve all been there! but the thing is, it’s not usually the fact that you fucked up in the first place that people will judge you for, it’s how you deal with the aftermath and the effects of said fuck-up:
okay, so you are an ally or a member of a marginalized group yourself. someone calls you out for saying/doing something shitty. what the heck do you do?
- DON’T GET DEFENSIVE. i mean that. THEY’RE NOT ATTACKING YOU. they’re calling you out because you’re a member of the community, or you’re an ally, or you’re a friend or a family member, they care about you, you’re an influential person in some way, or you deserve to be a person who doesn’t say shitty things! ****this includes not telling the person to calm down. doing this takes the focus off of you and your fuck-up and tells the offended party that their feelings and expression of those feelings is invalid. they have every right to be angry!!!****
- APOLOGIZE. and i mean sincerely. apologize for what you did. don’t try to justify why you said or did it, just straight up apologize for doing it in the first place. period. ********(this does not include faux-pologies like “sorry you were offended by what i said,” because that puts the blame on the offended party for what you did.)********
- PROMISE TO TRY AND DO BETTER. when you apologize for whatever you fucked up, promise to improve how you handle your behaviour in the future, and do it. simple as that. for example, if you were called out for using a slur, in the future, if you need to describe a situation regarding that slur, censor it (ex: “t****y”, or “t-word”) in your apology, and always censor it from then on. if you use the wrong pronouns for someone, apologize for misgendering them, and move on and try to remember to use the correct ones next time. if you fuck up again? apologize! just always keep trying!
- DON’T EXPECT FORGIVENESS. this one could be a bit hard. if you’ve really hurt someone, it could take them a while to come around, if they decide to come back around. they do not owe you forgiveness, they do not owe you anything. just keep moving on and trying to do better. if your reasons for apologizing are solely because you want to be forgiven, then that’s for the wrong reasons. you should want to do better for YOU so YOU can become a better person, and so YOU don’t hurt more people, whether unintentionally or not.
- DON’T ASK TO BE EDUCATED. again, they don’t owe you anything. just because they’re willing to call you out, does not mean they are willing to sit you down and tell you WHY what you did was wrong. why? they’ve probably been through this hundreds and hundreds of times. education is exhausting, and it isn’t for everyone! and NO ONE should be expected to educate you. so what should you do? educate yourself! google is your friend, friend. find people/bloggers who ARE willing to educate! they’re out there i promise! some blogs will tag stuff (ie; /tagged/racism, /tagged/transmisogyny, /tagged/cultural-appropriation) and you can peruse those on your own.
the reason it’s so important for us to be careful about what we say and do, is because we’re supposed to be a safe space. if people who are supposed to be friends and allies to us perpetuate oppressive behaviour, then who are we supposed to feel safe with?? not to mention, if we let oppressive behaviour slide WITHIN OUR OWN COMMUNITIES, we’re also saying to privileged folks/oppressors that it’s okay for THEM to use oppressive language and actions (“but my queer friend called you ‘he!’”, etc.).
i hope this has been helpful! let me know if anything should be added or if i’ve messed anything up in any way. i don’t want to be speaking over people, so do give me feedback! and ask me questions if you have any!
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If you scrolled through this, scroll back to the top and read this again. This is probably for you.
Just thought I’d share this charming piece of graffiti from near my home.
By the way, this is the ONLY women’s library in the country, it has only women’s work in it and also serves as a sort of feminist museum. They’re affiliated with a university close by and hold regular events such as workshops and talks on subjects like the poetry of immigrant women of colour or the representation of mental health in women’s literature. Its also due to be closed down by the Conservatives.
Can men go in and borrow books written by women?
Yeah, totally, they even do events for men by women on intro to feminism, rape culture stuff sometimes!
god forbid women have a single fucking thing without men getting jealous like fucking children
Ugh
FEMINAZI STOLE MY LIBRARY I AM LAID LOW BY THE MATRIARCHY
